Drugs, suicide, and resistance

Trigger warning: Suicide. Drug addiction.

Every year like clockwork, February 18 through February 22, you will see dozens of treacly posts about White Rose resistance. James Fell and A Mighty Girl are sure to post the photo of 14-year-old Sophie Scholl, a photograph ironically taken when she was still firmly in the Nazi camp.

You will hear about the heroism of Hans and Sophie Scholl, how they bravely undertook a leaflet scattering operation at Ludwig-Maximilians-Universität (LMU) in Munich. How they were arrested. How they went nobly to their death on February 22, 1943. Image above is of the university in 1933.

One of these posts may (or may not) mention Christoph Probst, who was likewise sentenced and executed on February 22.

Today I will not write about those events. If you’re interested in what really happened, here’s the timeline for February 18, 1943, along with a narrative about that day. And here’s the timeline for February 22, 1943. Should you be interested in the events of the day before the arrests, that’s here. I also wrote about what happened after the executions on February 22, 1943. Those are all free posts, no paywall.

There’s also a post called Why They Stood There, that addresses the thorny issue of Hans and Sophie Scholl’s simply waiting on the top floor until Jakob Schmid huffed and puffed his way up three very long flights of stairs. They had an easy escape. They did not take it. Also free.

Since I started writing regular essays on January 6, 2022, 356 posts ago, many things have changed in our country. From 2022 through 2025 (yes, even 2025), I could write about February 18, 1943 almost from a detached, though passionate, viewpoint. What the Scholls and Willi Graf and Christl Probst and all the rest did mattered. Contemplations of justice and freedom have long been our contemplations, here in these United States of America.

Justice and freedom are not partisan concepts. Supposedly Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Greens, and apolitical persons accept justice as a core value of our country: Due process, habeas corpus, right to a speedy trial, “my home is my castle,” the requirement for search and arrest warrants before anyone on our shores is imprisoned. I grew up in Houston. I know for a fact that all political persuasions claimed to hold this form of justice as sacred.

Similarly, we’ve always taken for granted that we have freedom of speech and expression, everywhere in the world; freedom of religion, the right of every person to worship God in his own way everywhere in the world; freedom from want, which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants everywhere in the world; and, freedom from fear, which, translated into world terms, means a world-wide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor, anywhere in the world.

For over eighty years now, we have agreed with President Franklin D. Roosevelt that “enduring peace cannot be bought at the cost of other people’s freedom. … Freedom means the supremacy of human rights everywhere. Our support goes to those who struggle to gain those rights and keep them. Our strength is our unity of purpose.”

This was FDR’s State of the Union Address on January 6, 1941, commonly referred to as The Four Freedoms. This speech, defining what we hold dear, inspired those among the White Rose students who had access to foreign broadcasts. If you haven’t read FDR's speech recently, now may be a good time to do so.

Our White Rose students and the adults who worked alongside them wanted what we have long taken for granted.

Which brings us to February 18, 1943. Scattering leaflets at the university was supposed to be the final act of the White Rose friends. Not because they wanted to die. That thought had not crossed their minds. Well, mostly.

No. After this, Willi Graf was going to form a group that would practice active resistance, perhaps blowing up the Gestapo building in Berlin. Alexander Schmorell was leaving for Russia where he could join partisans fighting Nazis. He had burned his uniform and paybook in advance of that defection. Christoph Probst was in Innsbruck, worried more about his wife and new daughter, focused on their well-being.

Others among the friends had also made plans to do something else. The heated debate a week before February 18 had left them splintered, doubting. They had gotten their eyes off justice and freedom and talked politics. They were of one accord regarding justice and freedom. Not so much regarding politics. The rift would not be mended.

On February 16, the Scholl siblings spent a great deal of the evening with Wilhelm Geyer. Hans bragged about what he planned to do after the war, stating brashly that he would establish a free press and make Geyer president of that academy. Geyer brushed it off as typical Hans bravado.

His conversation with Sophie Scholl worried him, however. Wilhelm Geyer—the artist who could calm Sophie’s soul with his paintings and sketches—made tea for her. He drew a portrait of her as they talked. She poured out her soul to her mentor.

She said that she and Hans knew they were being surveilled. That was indeed the case. Hans and Sophie’s continued relationships with hardcore Nazis endangered everyone in the circle of friends. At least one, if not two, of those Nazi friends had reported them to the Gestapo. Sophie told Geyer that she and her brother had considered fleeing, but feared the Gestapo would harm their friends and family if they did.

It was Wilhelm Geyer to whom Sophie Scholl said, “So many people are dying for this regime, it is high time that someone died in opposition to it.” Geyer included that quote from Sophie when he recorded his memories of the siblings in a letter dated September 21, 1968. Inge used the quote and erased Wilhelm Geyer.

The quote is important more for what followed than as a standalone remark.

Unlike her brother, Sophie refused to think about “after the war.” She saw the future as hopeless and told Geyer how she felt. What came next, what bookended the better known quote, stuck with Wilhelm Geyer and his family for decades to come.

If they were to be arrested, she maintained, it should be publicly, not secretly, so the whole world would know about it. Geyer immediately knew that whatever the siblings had planned would not meet a good end. Between Hans’ inability or unwillingness to properly assess risks, and what Geyer perceived as Sophie’s suicidal ideation, something was not right.

Those who knew of Hans’ pervetin (crystal meth) addiction feared that one day he would do something so perilous that anyone associated with him would be jeopardized. Gisela Schertling’s role as his beard, with access to the inner workings of White Rose production and distribution despite being hardcore Nazi, served as clear example. Indeed, that had been an issue during the blow-up the week before February 18.

Raimund Samüller and others in the circle of friends around Traute, Willi, and Alex would not associate with White Rose work, despite believing wholeheartedly in their worldview. They simply did not trust Hans.

Add in Sophie’s suicidal ideation, a mental health issue since at least September 1941 when she confided in Otl Aicher that she hated her family and wanted to end her life.

Why talk about drugs and suicide on February 18?

Initially I intended to repost the earlier essay about the events of February 18. That should be enough to counter—at least a little—the “stuff ’n nonsense” you will encounter elsewhere on the Internet. It would be fast. Substack makes it easy.

But as I thought about it more, I realized we are no longer where we were in 2022, 2023, 2024. Not even where we were in 2025. The amount of trauma that our country is experiencing is causing serious, unhealthy insomnia and anxiety. Every new day brings a new atrocity, a new violation of the freedom and justice we had come to expect living in this imperfect country.

Yes, we’ve screwed up, many times over. But. Historically we have tried to do better. Jesse Jackson, whose memory is a blessing for all of us, made sure we didn’t stand still. As did Harriet Tubman, John Lewis, Elizabeth Warren, Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Popes Francis and Leo, Rep. Leo Ryan, Madeline Albright, Sacagawea, Thomas Jefferson, all flawed, all fallible, all doing their damndest to keep us moving forward.

These people have given us hope, have made us believe in our better selves even when we’re looking in the mirror and see the grime.

And now? And now!

We have ICE arresting immigrants and refugees who are following the rules. We have Department of Homeland Security getting “administrative warrants” for computers and devices belonging to some who defend immigrants or criticize Trump. We have the FCC abridging our most holy right to free speech. We have a president who not only wants regime change after campaigning against regime change, but who feels that Manifest Destiny is a real thing, not something long since left behind in the dustbin of history.

So again, why a post about drugs and suicide?

Because, if Hans and Sophie Scholl, and Hans Hirzel in Ulm, had dealt with their mental health issues and had not sought refuge in crystal meth (Hans Scholl) or homemade LSD (Hans Hirzel), if Sophie Scholl had not been suicidal, the siblings would have left the university on February 18, 1943 through the Amalien Street exit (see photograph) and been home before Jakob Schmid made it to the third floor. End of story. Not one person disputes that.

Who knows what Willi Graf or Alexander Schmorell or Traute Lafrenz—or any of the many, many others, 180 in all—could have accomplished if Hans and Sophie Scholl had not behaved foolishly? Yes, they deserve consideration as heroes for their willingness to sacrifice their lives for justice and freedom.

But they did not have the right to make that decision for everyone else. They did not have the right to take risks that resulted in too many deaths, in the destruction of so many lives. Even the survivors, those who “merely” spent time in prison or penitentiary, were never the same.

This story, a story that has always mattered, now takes on new significance. When you participate in rallies or protests or marches. When you work to protect immigrants. When you write posts or songs that motivate others to stand up. When you appear on podcasts or when you are interviewed. When you post on Facebook, LinkedIn, BlueSky, Twitter, or here.

When you rely on someone else to be rational…

It would do you a world of good to ensure that those around you are not going to jeopardize your well-being.

And if you have addiction issues, no matter the addiction. Or should you struggle with suicidal thoughts or depression or “mood swings” that are debilitating, if you think our current era makes life not worth living:

Please please please. Get help. Reach out.

Reach out for help. In the USA, call 988. Veterans can text 838255 for help. The old phone number (1–800–273–8255) still works as well. CrisisTextline.org also is available 24/7. US: Text 741741. CA: Text 686868. UK: Text 85258. Ireland: 50808. Trained counselors are on standby.
This Wikipedia page collects all known suicide prevention hotlines – phone, text, and Web chats – no matter where you are.
Know your life has immense value. Sophie Scholl and her friends of the White Rose may not have overthrown the cruel regime of their day, but they made a lasting impact on history. Along with her imperfect friends, they took on Goliath. Not all of them lived to see the knockout punch, but they encourage us to pick up the first stone and put it in the sling.

If you have a loved one who is contemplating suicide, who jokes about suicide, who has attempted suicide: Take them seriously. They are not being selfish. They are not wisecracking. They are not being melodramatic. They are not weak. They are not ‘just joking around like kids do.’ Take. Them. Seriously. Go with them to get help.

If you are teaching White Rose resistance, please:

Be honest! Avoid making it a sugary, too-sweet story, even if you are teaching high school students.
Listen to your students. How do they react to Sophie’s suicidal ideations? If they think it’s cool, take them seriously and get help!—You will likely be surprised at how “grown up” your high school and undergraduate students are when discussing this topic.
Allow (encourage!) your class to “see themselves” in the lives of one or more of the friends. Are they like Alexander Schmorell, who as a half-Russian, felt like an unwanted Other? Do their parents discourage their intellectual pursuits as Otl Aicher’s did, making him uncomfortable in his own skin? Do they have nightmares related to unspoken traumas, as Willi Graf did, that make them occasionally act irrationally? Are they torn between feuding parents (as almost all of these students were)? Is their life “perfect” on the outside, concealing dysfunctional families (all of the White Rose friends!)?—This story is not meant to be a therapy session, but it tends to have that effect. Let it.

If talking about Sophie Scholl’s suicidal ideation and Hans Scholl’s addiction can save one life, can pull one young person off the precipice, it will have been worth the pain associated with writing this post. Because believe me—if you have ever lost a loved one to suicide, you do not wish that on your worst enemy. It’s a grief that never fully heals.

May the broken lives of Sophie Magdalena Scholl and my sister Janet Kaye Heap somehow be for a blessing, for healing.

We will get through this trauma. One day at a time. One rally at a time. One post at a time. One phone call at a time. One song at a time. One messy-sobbing-crying-shouting-cringey day at a time.

Fighting back against this trauma? It matters! You matter. I matter. Together, we all matter.

Never forget.

Postscript: Willi Graf got outdoors and skied when his brain could not take any more. Christl Probst sought refuge with his wife and babies. Those in the Bach Chorale met to make music. Susanne Hirzel took out her anger playing cello in a string quartet, and in addition participated in gymnastics and other athletic endeavors. Alexander Schmorell pounded Beethoven on Lilo’s piano and sculpted and sketched. Lilo joined Alex in sculpting and sketching and baked cookies for her friends.

In short, those who were mentally healthy found an outlet for their rage, for their fight. They created music or art. They got in touch with the land. They sought out friends.

Their example is one to follow. If you are feeling low, a little blue, if your computer is driving you nuts, if everyone in your life makes you crazy, get outdoors!

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Image credits: Top photograph--The university as it appeared in 1933. Public domain. Second photograph--Amalienstr. entrance/exit as it was in 1943. Public domain. Third photograph--Shopify, public domain for platform users.

Bottom image: Google map showing walking from Amalienstr. towards Franz-Joseph-Str. 13. Google maps used in accordance with Google ToS.

The above information is fully footnoted in our White Rose histories. Please purchase them for access to that material! To order digital version of White Rose History, Volume I: Coming Together (January 1933-April 30, 1942), click here. To order digital version of White Rose History, Volume II, click here. WRH1 is © 2002, 2003, 2007 by Denise Elaine Heap. WRH2 is © 2002, 2007 by Denise Elaine Heap.

No part of this post, Web site, or translations contained herein may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the copyright holder, except for the “fair use” of quotations that are properly cited and credited, including identification of the translator if applicable. No part of this post, Web site, or translations contained herein may be included in any Large Language Model without proper licensing from the copyright holder, Denise Elaine Heap.